Revision Piece - "A Source of Support"

The babies are crying. The rent is due. The car quit working. Food is getting low. It’s time for parent-teacher conferences, school plays and sports. Noisy neighbors are driving the family insane. Mom is tired. Mom is going crazy. Aaaah! Mom needs help! A phone call! Here comes the help wagon to the rescue. A car load of military moms…The community of military spouses provides help and support to enable one another to be strong while their spouses are gone.

The assumption that communities provide us with a sense of stability (Latterell 87) holds true. Take for example the life of military spouses. Military families have transient lifestyles. They move every two to three years all over the globe. There are many struggles and challenges along the way. But the military community has an enormous support system in their midst. As military families move away from where they grew up, their sense of belonging is somewhat shattered. Seventeen years ago, when my family and I was stationed overseas, military families got together for potlucks and games on the weekends. We shared our activities of the week, struggles and anxieties and in turn receive advice and nuggets of wisdom to solve problems. Our community provided moral support which was much needed especially being away from home. When one of us hurt, we all hurt. Our support group provided a safety net to all its members. When somebody needed help with the kids, someone always stepped in for assistance. When something broke, someone from the mix always had the ability to fix it. The support was tremendous and unmatchable. We were one big family sharing the same purpose and needs.

As communities change and evolve over time, the need of support is still necessary. Today, military spouses still have the same challenges and struggles as we did years ago, but the support system is not quite as personal. Micole Dixon, military wife of six years, gets her support from social networking on the internet and her cell phone which makes communication so much easier. She said that she doesn’t need to go socialize outside of home, as she puts it, “My greatest comfort is home.” Back in the early 90’s, cell phones, computers and social networking sites were not the norm. We depended on each other and the command ombudsman for news and the whereabouts of our loved ones. E-mails were restricted for fear of compromising their positions and were permitted only through the commanding officer’s approval. Because of phone bill costs, we were able to call home once a week for free through the DSN (Defense Support Network) system. Today, military spouses get their information about their loved ones through e-mail, twenty-four hour cable news, and military websites. Cell-phones are handy so long as there’s a signal. The need to personally interact with other spouses is now replaced with chat rooms and social networking sites. Help is just a phone call or a click away. Micole said, “I pretty much stay by myself, to avoid the drama and cheating.” When she needs help, she deals with it alone or calls home to Chicago. Years ago, spouses networked with each other to get the help and support they need. There was drama which was superficial but the cheating was not as common.

Military spouse support group provide moral support to one another. Because of the constant moving, most spouses put their dreams on hold. Finding a job is a huge challenge. As Micole said, “I set aside what I want to do for myself; I never feel settled and my greatest challenge is finding a job!” Micole graduated last year with a bachelor’s degree in Business and Marketing which she took online. Like Micole, I face the same challenge and anxiety during every move. Loneliness and worry are the other two major spiritual struggles. Without each other, the stresses of military life will drive someone insane. Although the spouse community provides a sense of belonging, it is not restrictive. If a spouse does not want to seek help from other spouses, they are free to do so outside of the group. Micole said she is more likely to ask help from her non-military friends. Also, if someone has a different view on things, the community as a whole does not alienate or force submission of that individual. Moral and spiritual support is not withheld. Diverse opinions are encouraged and thus make the organization stronger. A specific example is from our group overseas in 1992. From our small group of eight couples, one voted for presidential election one way and the rest of us, another way. Of course, he was teased, but he was not ridiculed for doing so.

Although communities change over time with new cultures, traditions and advancement of technology, military spouses stay supportive of each other due to their common goal, to see their loved ones safely return. The spouse support group provides moral, spiritual and physical support. Members within the community feel protected and their sense of belonging is being met. The fear of being judged is not a concern; the community is a safety net.